Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
