She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
