also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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