She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
