We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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