if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
