WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
