the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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