you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
