WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
