so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
