If i come over, it means nothing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
try to milk me bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
