He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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