Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
