This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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