They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
