I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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