so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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