so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
