you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize