I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
