so that wasnt chicken after all
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
