I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
