you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
