Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
