My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
