my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize