Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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