is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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