I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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