I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Less talking, more tequila
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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