My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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