Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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