lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
