I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
