We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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