Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
