wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
