First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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