I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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