He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
