guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
