areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
