it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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