well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You ate ashes out of my bong
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
