Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
