You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
