I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
