Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
