glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
