i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
