Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
