the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
