she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
