the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
