he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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