she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
