there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
