I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize