Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
