why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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