A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
