I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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