Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
