sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
