Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
