Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
