dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
