bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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