my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
