There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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