Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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