Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
