I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
