hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
