Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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