New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
