She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
