And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
