Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
