I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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