Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
