I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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